‘The Third Place’ – the importance of finding somewhere to be you

The concept of a ‘third place’ was coined by Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book ‘The Great Good Place’ that explains the vital human need for having a space to interact, form new connections and simply be oneself away from the potential stress of the first place – home, and the second – work or a place of education that is attended with a sense of obligation and pressure above any secondary social aspects.

Oldenburg states that without this third place the stress of the second can be brought into the home, and it can be possible to lose a sense of individuality, breaking down human interactions and connections rather than forming them: so let’s examine this in the context of a post-pandemic UK – are our third places slowly dying out?

If you hadn’t already started trying to identify your potential third places, some examples in adult life can include cafes, pubs, parks, community centres and even the gym. As a child you might have attended after school clubs, extra curriculars or even used local playgrounds as a way to subconsciously flex the social muscle, but we would all agree that our adult jobs and homes demand more stress than primary school, so it is vital to look out for somewhere that we can be ourselves without pressure or expectation.

Still taking baby steps out of a culture of social distance, seemingly ‘pointless’ social interaction holds a certain stigma, the same kind of awkward discomfort we get from sitting in a café by ourselves without a friend to chat with or work to occupy our idle hands. This is not the only barrier to third places that we face. You may notice in the list of potential contenders, there is a need to spend on something, or sometimes even just to be allowed to attend. Our gym subscriptions and coffees bought to retain our tables in coffee shops all have to come out of pocket to purchase the privilege of being out of the house and out of the office. The fact is, the number of places freely available to sit, stand, talk, study or meet new people from different ages and backgrounds could probably counted on one hand, that is if you can even think of one.

This is not the case everywhere, though. Perhaps it is the biting UK weather that prevents us from using parks and natural spaces as third places, or the lack of easy, safe routes around our cities that encourage jumping in the car or a taxi/uber to rush from A to B without enjoying the pleasantness of meeting any strangers along the way.

The central-European culture of lounging in a plaza in Spain or Italy is near impossible for us British folks, as you may notice the availability of places to rest or congregate comfortably with the amenities of shelter, water and public toilets is very, very slim. Whether this is the purpose or not, this forces us into situations where we are forced to spend, even if that is just on a Starbucks to get out of the cold, pushing a more consumerist way of living, rather than one of social ease.

Despite this, there is still hope in the name of personal courage, and helpful city planning. Being from Sheffield myself I have long enjoyed the peace of the Winter Gardens, a clean, quiet inner-city greenhouse where benches, and toilets via the connected gallery make it an ideal meeting or resting point. With an outgoing nature it would be easy to connect with Sheffield residents of all ages and genders here – I myself can attest to the helpfulness of community spaces having met one of my close friends in a coffee shop. Needless to say, I thank myself on the daily that I used that classic British politeness to ask ‘hey, is it okay if I sit here’ as I approached the crowded communal table.

This all ties in quite nicely with some improvements that are underway in the UK right now, as Glasgow proclaims itself a newly ‘feminist city’ with legislation just passed to improve walkability, safety and public services. This takes into account the typically female (but really everybody’s) need for brightly-lit streets, safer travel routes and increased public toilets, as city planning is at the heart of public health, well-being and socialising.

Third places encourage socialising, interaction and an opportunity for meeting people outside of your usual circles which is useful for gaining a greater understanding and empathy for those in your community. It can be hard to identify available third places (especially in your price range) but perhaps being aware of their importance can help us identify and cherish them all the more.